You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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