Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
