Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
