Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
