i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
