Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
