I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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