Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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