i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I deserve this hangover.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
