I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
