she looked like the before picture.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
