been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
