Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You took a bar mat shot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
