You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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