My room smells like vodka and shame
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
