I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
