You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
