I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
do nipples grow back?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
