If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
