He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
