3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
