No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the night ended with taco bell and tears
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
