On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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