She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
