Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
