dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
