sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
