Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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