Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
