Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
