R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
