and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
