were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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