i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
