omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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