everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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