Cold hands, warm shart.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
