the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
