he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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