Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
