Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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