we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
