i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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