id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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