Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
