Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
