just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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