Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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