I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
