how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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